☂☂♥
what's in mind?
there r alot of think in my mind
can i just leave everything? i know if i let go all of thing that i had now
i will be damn regret and i must be grateful for what i had now and the
person who r always by my side~
i know its hard to leave the person that mean alot to u, it's take time to
forget all of the memories but im used by it, that's how life is..
i told people who love me so much to leave me, im stupid right?
well im thinking to leave everything and stayed out of everything to
all person that i know.. i dont want to hurt any people anymore but
i keep hurt people without i notice.. im bad, i hurt people but still they
want stay by my side.. i wonder whats other people thinking about me,
i hope i can be more better person~
my heart? it used by people who r broken it and even im changed, im still
proud of myself cause i face my problem no matter how i know it will
hurt me alot n so much and i changed to be a better person that
can accept the fact and i learn many type of person that i meet..
im thankful that i meet someone can love me for who i am and show
their love towards someone like me also never give up on me ^^
idk why nowadays i have no mood to joke and teasing people..
well it's not like myself but idk why i feel my heart is angry to something
that i dont even know.. maybe thats why i have no mood
i dont want changed anything on myself until myself the one who changed
itself.. i feel so useless.. why.. my life like this? why im think different than
other person? why can i be happy and be selfish to my happiness and
dont let other person take my happiness? maybe i was born this way,
i dont even care of my happiness since im used by sadness and i know
many people wish me to be happy and hope me to be happy always but
i know can't.. sometime we r happy and sometime we r sad that's life~
sometime i feel poor to the person who love me, sometime i hope they
never fall over me cause when it's about love im hard to accept it..
well let me be honest, ah it's abit embrassed hahaha
i break up easily like in 1 weeks then i break up ah i sound playboy
wat other people say monkey love? actually its not i played them,
just my heart not easy to let any girl to go in here as a girl also
cause of i think they deserve better than me like i always hurt them
and i don't want always give them a high hope for me, i know myself
better than them, im like a coward people when its abt love when
someone love the person i love even i feel abit jeally deep in my heart
but i let it cause i don't want hurt them anymore or blocked them
like other guys do~ even i don't show them i truly love them but in other
way i always show how i love them, thats why i always n always stay
single but now not alright, u yes u i know u will read this i love uuuu
and thx cause exist and open my coward heart also thx cause
never give up on me baby, i love u ♥♥
my heart? it used by people who r broken it and even im changed, im still
proud of myself cause i face my problem no matter how i know it will
hurt me alot n so much and i changed to be a better person that
can accept the fact and i learn many type of person that i meet..
im thankful that i meet someone can love me for who i am and show
their love towards someone like me also never give up on me ^^
idk why nowadays i have no mood to joke and teasing people..
well it's not like myself but idk why i feel my heart is angry to something
that i dont even know.. maybe thats why i have no mood
i dont want changed anything on myself until myself the one who changed
itself.. i feel so useless.. why.. my life like this? why im think different than
other person? why can i be happy and be selfish to my happiness and
dont let other person take my happiness? maybe i was born this way,
i dont even care of my happiness since im used by sadness and i know
many people wish me to be happy and hope me to be happy always but
i know can't.. sometime we r happy and sometime we r sad that's life~
sometime i feel poor to the person who love me, sometime i hope they
never fall over me cause when it's about love im hard to accept it..
well let me be honest, ah it's abit embrassed hahaha
i break up easily like in 1 weeks then i break up ah i sound playboy
wat other people say monkey love? actually its not i played them,
just my heart not easy to let any girl to go in here as a girl also
cause of i think they deserve better than me like i always hurt them
and i don't want always give them a high hope for me, i know myself
better than them, im like a coward people when its abt love when
someone love the person i love even i feel abit jeally deep in my heart
but i let it cause i don't want hurt them anymore or blocked them
like other guys do~ even i don't show them i truly love them but in other
way i always show how i love them, thats why i always n always stay
single but now not alright, u yes u i know u will read this i love uuuu
and thx cause exist and open my coward heart also thx cause
never give up on me baby, i love u ♥♥
☂☂☂
i don't know wat's wrong with me.. i don't know wat to do..
happy or sad it's all same..
outside me, must other people see me like im cheerful person,
but inside me, i feel like its killing me everyday i wake..
when i sleep, i can forget how's it feel awhile n sometime i wish
i should die.. i don't have reason to live, i can't stand to pretend strong
outside.. i miss the old me that fight for anything and think positive..
thanks to the person that care for me alot, im really appreciate it what u all did to me
i'm sorry cause im the person that hard to understand..
im blank, idk wat to do.. do im really too nice to people? maybe yea until i hurt
myself alot and never care of it.. i wish i can change it but i can't, this the real
me.. i like to be alone when i have problem cause i can think its properly..
i'm stupid cause still care of people feeling that hurt me, annoy me and forgot people..
so tell me, do i really forget friends to all person that say to me like that? i admit maybe
im forget friends but not leave them without reason.. when i ignore or leave the person,
i have a reason why i did that, the mostly reason why is i don't want get hurting by same
person so better i move on, yea i know its hard to find friends but im type that think,
if u still care about them the more u will get hurting.. but believe me, i remember all person,
their attitude, the way they talk.. my blog is all about hows my feelings.. i can tell all
my feelings when i really can't stand or don't know what to do.. im envy of the person
that can protect theirself.. sometime i think why i cant be like that cause im myself and its theirself? i feel really dissapointed when someone ask me " make me happy "
do i look like a place that can u all find happiness? that u all can act me like i have no feelings? cause of i be too nice? once u broke my limit, i will act like the most people
u dont know.. ah.. im tired with this all.. let me rest for awhile from people, i know
something happen for reason.. but i don't want ask why its happen, i want to ask why
i have to be this painful? why i have to alive? maybe i will lose everything, love, friends,
myself.. my mind is so blank of wat to do.. my heart feel so complicated, should i just leave
all of this and gone? should i gone quietly? i can't.. feel anything.. i don't want someone
comfort me cause i know it's wont change anything but what i feel more is painful, it's
like i force myself to be ok, i force myself alot.. i keep everything wat i feel.. i keep it while
force myself to smile.. ah.. i can't do anything but just let it.. i will wait until its will be
normal back.. i will wait until my hearts become alright back, it's need time to be alright..
i just need alot of patient and brave to face it.. so just here, goodnight..
♥
haloooo
come back to my bloog~ come back back back home :p
oh firstly, pray for my final exam this 9 november ohhh so nervous T.T
next year im gonna be 19 wah wah wah so old wah wah hahaha,
must many wont believe me im 19 by my playful attiude xD oh well,
i wanna say sorry for all person that i ever hurt them without i notice ^^
i hope u all forgive my mistake and always be happy :D
and for siao girl, nah i update for u nah nah shuh shuh blekkk,
thx for coming to my life, always try u best to make me happy, layan me,
and love me like crazy crybaby :p i love u so muchhh ♥
i promise to myself that i will make u happy everyday n never give up show my
love towards u, i don't want to make u hurting anymore like last year but
yeah u know my hard brain like a stone xD im sorry cause i hurt u without i notice it,
im happy i have u by my side, u take care of me n care abt me alot n u're the first girl
i meet that never give up on me, fight for me n love me so much,
remember this?
we fight alot there wakakaka n i keep bully u fuhh fuhh so best ahh xD
so idk wat to say anymore, goodnightt n have a nice day :D
Alone
it's has been so long time i didnt update my blog ^^
happy new year to who read this sorry for late~
i don't know to who i want to tell or story about how's my feeling. i also don't want to
annoyed them, so it's better i face it all alone cause im the one who did it first.
unless i make they are happy with my decision ^^ i'm behalf happy for them~
and i know when i did that decision, myself will be this pain and hurt. not all people
will understand me cause i rare show real me in front of them~ some of them r really
rude to me, that's make me angry in the same time. i dont want to be attention seeker,
but can they be like me when someone r sad? i guess no one would be cause they r not
true friends but i hope they r happy~ happiness will never come to me i know sadness will broke them away. i'm envy to all of them that have their own happiness, i wish i can be like them. they fight for something they really want, they protect for something that really important, they have a truly hearts~ yes, they are many different things about me to compare them. i never fight for something that i want.. all i do is hurt people who are close to me, i run away like they are toys and back like nothing happen.. maybe it's better if i get so many wrong friend right? irl i feel really lonely, there's no one i can share my prob about even with my family.. i'm also envy to the person that can share their prob with their own family, hows their feel. as i say, i always show the cheer me in front of the ppl even with my frd in social or real life.. i'm sorry if sometime i can be really annoying, i did that without i know. not cause i feel i really happy but im happy to do my only medicine and to see ppl smile. i hope everyone know i havea feelings too.. my mind is different than others person mind. deep inside me i feel really like in hell. i shouldn't complain for what i did~ whenever i think about that things, i will always say u did a right things, u make ppl happy and have their own chance. i save other feeling than my own feeling, i think that they r more hurt than me. i help many people to fight but when its time to me there r only less than 1 , it's ok that's how human.. they forget who help them and remember who hurt them.. i wish i can be happy.. i hope i can be happy.. i can't even feel my crazy medicine anymore, they r now useless to healing the pain in my hearts.. people told me to ignore it, people told me to fight, people told me to be happy.. they can easily judge me, easily to say tht be happy, like they r know u're strong person u must can do it.. strong person like jiaksai.. how long i should be so pretend strong? nothing can make me real happy, no would love me, wait yeah who would love a guy that r really fear to hurt ppl feeling? that r really not brave to fight? that r can't protect them? a guy that rather hurt someone else than someone that love him? you're really unlucky to meet a guy like me seriously. all guy is better for them except this one guy. who's name lee jian hao. this guy will be forever lonely.. this is enough for me to say on my blog.. it's 2:29 am now.. byebye and goodnight~ ^^
emo zz
it's really suck to be me but i should feel thanks because i have be strong for a long time.. i couldn't understand myself, i give up easily,
i'm damn tired with life.. i'm jealous who can be happy whenever they want..
my life are all pretending to be happy, people need me but when i need them?
ya.. people are just liddat.. i wanted to say at them,
i also have a feelings, do you like smile like get force? do you like laugh like get force?
it's my bad habit since last years, i never care about myself feelings,
how i solve my problem easily? i always choose a way that can make myself hurting,
i just only care about what other feelings, that's why they never relieze it
that i also have a feelings. i miss the old me last last year, the one who doesn't run
of problem.. the one who are thinking long..
心去了..
Why am I so sad?Because of you I'm fucking sad
I just want you to tell why u be like tis..
I Lve You but I want to know, are you sure you Love me as your brother?
do u want me to leave you? do u really want it?
Just say to me, if you don't need me or don't want talk wit me
i know you got so many problem but u pretend to be ok,
why did u have to pretend? cause u don't want ruin other ppl mood?
cause u like it? cause u fear u'll be attention seeker?
it is will make you be stronger if u keep it in your heart?
i'm really happy for the new u~ sry,
i think u're different than other ppl but i was wrong..
yea i ever pretend to be ok but it gets worse,
maybe i'm busybody abt u but u know why im said like this?
i care about u, i always try my best to make u laugh,
how can i want to forget u? how can i want to forget all memories?
how can i want to trust new ppl, it's same like a rubbish
do u know why i don't reply your ask in askfm?
how can i want to reply to the new u while i really miss the old u?
answer me if u don't want me to leave u and
if u not answer.. it's mean u don't need me
if it so maybe this is last one, i hope u're happy wit your life
》爱
sometimes you may not have too hope to me. sometimes you may not have to hope to me.
it will probably make you hurt. just hurt me like i do.
do not try to be the best for me, I just love to see people be the best for themselves.
if you continue like this, it will be really difficult for me.
why this should be so, love should not be difficult as this.
what is the meaning of love for you?
you want to see i'm suffer or you are suffering because of me?
if you hate to see me suffer or
you will suffer too because im suffering
do i ever be like that to you?
ever or never, I can only make you hurt because of love.
your love very valuable for me to accept.
I am not worthy to receive it.
I'm not a nice guy to you,
look for men that fits you.
not a guy like me,
how good is i'm and how i'm different from other.
it can not do anything. silly girl who would love a man who treat all girl with good haha..
new past
