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halooo :D firstly, to those human who dm me and tell me that she read all my blog post
thx so much xD and dont pity of me ^^ im grateful that u still accept how im hooooo xD
its gonna be 2016, time flies so fast~ i will have no time to update my blog anymore,
so im gonna say happy new year to everyone :) next year will be more changeling for me
and anyone who feel it~ im scared to face all type of person in this world but i've god by
my side. i prefer to be alone even here and irl but sometime i do feel lonely, people wont
understand me until they know hows my situition. its hard for me to accept or trust people
easily esp irl. its hard for me to be alone and hiding my true self. its hard for me to say
what i want say deep inside my heart. when i try to say deep inside my heart, i show its
opposite way. beware, if i teasing u or jokes with u thats mean i love u deep inside my heart
:) people will think im bad cause of showing my love towards that but i do like to show how i
love them by that ^^ everyday, i've to tell myself irl "focus on ur studies" "dont care what other people say "do ur work" "its ok for me to have no friend like everyone else cause i've god" whenever i walk away alone, i look some of them who r smile with their friend and laughing together, im asking myself " how its feel to laugh wit a real laugh infront of ur friend? " even i ever be like them before but im asking myself, im the one who choose to
be in this way, to stay away from all person, to hide myself infront of them. cause im tired, one day they will treat me like im no exist. but in this way, people look at me with easy way
cause i never show my real self infront of them. people think i've no problem to worry at all.
its wrong. every night, im overthinking about what happen or what am i doing. its not easy for me to be strong and show a fake smile irl. even my mom didnt understand me, im a quiet person irl but here im damn crazy cause here only i can play and heal my pain. some of people wont know why i choose to live like this, "why u didnt find friend?" i told u, there so many fake friend around me. people come and go. and i leave people cause i got my own reason. not cause i have no reason. im gonna study hard cause i want to make my parents or everyone proud of me. sacrifice my life. im not like other person. complicated and have
a hard heart sometime. im serious person irl but sometime not xD i've to make my heart strong before face all human. i like to be in quiet and peaceful place. well anti-social? yeah.
whenever i didnt talk, theres alot of thing in my mind. im just not brave anymore.. im not brave enough anymore to face all of this.. people are so scary.. but even they r scary, some of them, i can feel their hurts too. thats what most of reason i like to make ppl happy. but some of them forgot those who help them and then back to the person who hurt them back.
thats how human. some of them :) i feel thankful to those feel that im important in their life while i think, i just hurt them. thx to ppl who think im important in their life ^^ thx cause patient with my attitude. and everything :p haiz im shy to say this sweet things but xD love u guys ♥ u also important for my life :) as u know, u guys r the reason why i can be this brave and strong
new past
