Alone
it's has been so long time i didnt update my blog ^^
happy new year to who read this sorry for late~
i don't know to who i want to tell or story about how's my feeling. i also don't want to
annoyed them, so it's better i face it all alone cause im the one who did it first.
unless i make they are happy with my decision ^^ i'm behalf happy for them~
and i know when i did that decision, myself will be this pain and hurt. not all people
will understand me cause i rare show real me in front of them~ some of them r really
rude to me, that's make me angry in the same time. i dont want to be attention seeker,
but can they be like me when someone r sad? i guess no one would be cause they r not
true friends but i hope they r happy~ happiness will never come to me i know sadness will broke them away. i'm envy to all of them that have their own happiness, i wish i can be like them. they fight for something they really want, they protect for something that really important, they have a truly hearts~ yes, they are many different things about me to compare them. i never fight for something that i want.. all i do is hurt people who are close to me, i run away like they are toys and back like nothing happen.. maybe it's better if i get so many wrong friend right? irl i feel really lonely, there's no one i can share my prob about even with my family.. i'm also envy to the person that can share their prob with their own family, hows their feel. as i say, i always show the cheer me in front of the ppl even with my frd in social or real life.. i'm sorry if sometime i can be really annoying, i did that without i know. not cause i feel i really happy but im happy to do my only medicine and to see ppl smile. i hope everyone know i havea feelings too.. my mind is different than others person mind. deep inside me i feel really like in hell. i shouldn't complain for what i did~ whenever i think about that things, i will always say u did a right things, u make ppl happy and have their own chance. i save other feeling than my own feeling, i think that they r more hurt than me. i help many people to fight but when its time to me there r only less than 1 , it's ok that's how human.. they forget who help them and remember who hurt them.. i wish i can be happy.. i hope i can be happy.. i can't even feel my crazy medicine anymore, they r now useless to healing the pain in my hearts.. people told me to ignore it, people told me to fight, people told me to be happy.. they can easily judge me, easily to say tht be happy, like they r know u're strong person u must can do it.. strong person like jiaksai.. how long i should be so pretend strong? nothing can make me real happy, no would love me, wait yeah who would love a guy that r really fear to hurt ppl feeling? that r really not brave to fight? that r can't protect them? a guy that rather hurt someone else than someone that love him? you're really unlucky to meet a guy like me seriously. all guy is better for them except this one guy. who's name lee jian hao. this guy will be forever lonely.. this is enough for me to say on my blog.. it's 2:29 am now.. byebye and goodnight~ ^^
new past
